Stereotype in profile: Student Novices
They started rowing because they were crap at every other sport they tried, they’re incompetent to the point of being a danger to other water users and despite only having been rowing for 4 months they talk about it with the same level of authority as Professor Brian Cox discussing “the univeeeeerse”.
But despite their flaws, student novices are without a doubt one of the greatest sectors of the rowing population because they’ve got one thing – unbridled enthusiasm.
Sure, novice juniors get all obsessed with the sport but they’re generally kept in check by their school or club who organise them, help load their boats, set the training and more importantly their access to things like; hair dye/bleach, comedy t-shirt printing facilities and beer is restricted.
Student novices on the other hand are off the leash…
Everything about the sport is new to them; boats, water, lycra, ergos, abs and splash tops…
“Have you seen the size of our cox…?”
Argh ha ha ha…
Even the rowing funny is amusing… And so it should be.
When people look back at the innocence of youth and tell youngsters that their school days will be the best of their life – this is what student novices are, they’ve just left the matrix and they’re using their rowing eyes for the very first time… they took the blue pill and now they’re learning rowing kung fu… stop trying to put your blade in and put your blade in…
The guys on the student rowing club committee who rowed at school will cringe at the antics of the novices… “don’t all dye your hair club colours guys, you’ll be an embarrassment and you HAVE to win if you do stuff like that”
DON’T LISTEN TO THEM!
That’s “the man” talking (no to be confused with “da man” – you da man), the man who is going to try and bring you down for the rest of your life…
The fact is, student rowing is the ONLY time you get to do this stupid stuff and so fill your boots as you sure as hell can’t do it racing competitively at club level – for one you’ll have a job and secondly clubs don’t really like it.
So if you’re reading this student novices… Grab an umbrella (or your splash top – because you definitely have one of those if you’re a student novice) and get down the chemist right now and buy a truckload of peroxide… It’s Sunday afternoon, it’s raining and it’s BUCS next weekend.
If you don’t do it now you’ll never do it…
…are you still here?
And the man, if you’re still reading this; leave them alone – they each spent £200 on kit, they’re the heart and soul of the socials and let’s face it, without the novice squad, how many of the senior squad would still have a boyfriend/girlfriend???